“Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem” – Woody Allen

A troublesome showing from wor Alan this week. After a stellar season debut last week, he now seems distant, petulant and uncomfortable; it was like watching a man who was completely unsuited to media work, rather than the man who we know and love who is triumphantly unaware that he is completely unsuited to media [...]

What Alan Shearer Knows

Yes…he’s back. Looking resplendent in a lilac shirt with a white collar that delightfully off-set the strange fudgy hue of his skin, wor Alan has clearly enjoyed his time away from the bearpit of Match of the Day punditry. However, in spite of the break he was match fit and on top form for his [...]

What David Pleat Knows

A sweet slice of nonsense from David “Mr Punch” Pleat; upon witnessing Lampard sclaff a sitter wide, he chanced what he imagines is a truism:
“If you don’t get in that box, you ain’t gonna score goals“,
sadly negating the career of Tony Yeboah.
Buoyed by that, he then added: “He probably hits it too well really“.
Which is [...]

Alan Hansen’s Abstract Noun of the Week

This week’s Match of the Day was brought to you by the word:
COMPOSURE
and the number 14, for Theo Walcott.
A tricky situation for Hansen here, as he had to basically admit that he had been very wrong. Which he did manage, but with the expression of a man who had been handed a plate of shit, [...]

Welcome to What Alan Shearer Knows About Football

…or WASKAF as all the kids are doubtless already calling it.
I’ve been moaning for years. Privately sniping, shouting back at the television in futility, sending snarky texts to friends. I imagine you have been doing much the same? More television time is dedicated to football then ever, yet the paucity and poverty of ambition in [...]